I want to tell you a story about forgetting to take medications.
Dee recently went away with our child and my mother on a vacation with some of our extended family (by which I mean my extended family) to a nearby popular tourist town. I did not go as I had to work. In all the excitement, she forgot to take her meds for several days.
Kaboom!
She called me on my cellphone at work, around lunchtime. Instantly she started screaming at me about how everyone was against her and what a b—h my mother is and how she’s conspiring with my aunt and other relatives against her (I have since checked, and the specific accusations, such as times that they supposedly got together and conspired, are untrue). Then she said she’s going to do herself in sometime between Thursday and Sunday and it’s a secret how or when she’s going to do it, because if she tells me because I’ll stop her. Oh, she went on and on and on, over several phone calls. Sometimes she was screaming so loud that the phone signal was distorting and all I could hear was a sort of loud hum coming out of the speaker, like feedback at a rock concert.
Then she says:
“Oh I just realized. I forgot to take my meds for the last three days.”
and I think, deep down, something registered. A tiny, flickering light switched on in that raging darkness; the possibility that maybe all this was in her head.
She calmed down and quickly finished the call. She left me alone for the rest of the day after that.
So I went back to work, although it was kinda hard to concentrate.
Two days later, back on the meds, and she was fine.
There are two lessons to take from this story.
1. The first is, someone who is bipolar should never, ever, abruptly stop taking medications unless it’s planned and has been discussed with health professionals such as a doctor.
2. But the second is, self-realization can occur, even in the midst of a rage, mania or other state. And that is an important and good event.
A friend of mine responded to this story with this anecdote:
I remember seeing a documentary once that had a famous scientist recounting how he had recovered from schizophrenia. It sounded very much as if there was a part of him that was able to recognize that the voices were due to his illness, that they weren’t real. Apparently he said his scientific discoveries would appear in his conscious mind the same way the unwanted voices did. So it was bit like there was a part of him that could stand back from the madness and see it for what it was. Once he was able to do that apparently he was able to work on getting better. Anyhoo I guess what I am saying is that recognising what was going on sounds really hopeful. I realise that the scientist who cured himself was very much the exception to the rule but I still think it provides some hope. I also heard another famous scientist who also has schizophrenia say that his wife gently lets him know that he is starting to lose it and that helps him. So perhaps it is possible to have some control over these things.
Food for thought; and for hope.
